Thanks Enough

July 12, 2014

“And they never thanked me. After all that time! Not once!” These refrains, heard from several folks, have been echoing in my head. After all, people were still hurting from being used and taken for granted. No wonder they complained. Certainly someone forgot the cultural mandate that we should often say, “Please,” “Thank you,” and, when necessary, “I’m sorry.”

But please, I’m sorry, can’t we just get over saying “thank you” all the time? Sure, say it when it’s in your heart, when you really mean it. Say it with gusto: “Gracias!” “Merci beaucoup!” “Donkeyshine!” Otherwise, think of the damage it does. Just imagine how offering up easy thanks may deepen the sense of entitlement some folks have, thinking they should hear thanks and praise for the slightest effort on their part. We risk stirring people up to coax and control, refusing to do a thing until they’ve heard a “thank you.”

Actually, even more profoundly, they probably should be thanking you. You gave them a chance to do some good, and you might even have taught them how to do it. They can add it to their resume or add a merit badge to their outfit. When they catch on, expect a thank you note.

Saying thanks all the time also requires that you pay attention and notice what people are doing, and that can undercut your effectiveness. The work you do is important and demands efficiency and focus. You really can’t afford to be distracted by peripheral stuff. The people you hire, and even volunteers, should be on board with your importance and the great good you’re doing. Despite what people might say, staying focused is not the same as being self-absorbed or oblivious. You shouldn’t have to worry about whether you say “thank you” enough.

Sure, people like it when you say thanks, even when you overdo it. They hardly ever complain, except for a few who are really trying to pry still another thanks or two out of you: “You don’t need to thank me. I didn’t do much.” “Oh, but yes you did! Thanks again.” That’s all touchy-feely stuff that we eventually have to leave behind. Feelings are over-rated. You can’t kowtow to them all the time.

If you think of other reasons we should get over saying “thank you,” please feel free to post them in a response. Thanks.

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